Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A sweet moment

I have been so tired of my girls fighting and their lack of love toward one another. I keep trying to tell them that one day they will be best friends. Emily wanted to go to Savers the other day, so I told her we could after school, IF she could be loving to her sisters, since it seems like she is the one that starts it all. I even found a note on the floor the other day that said, "I hat you Lauren!" I am pretty sure it meant hate, and didn't have anything to do with things you put on your head. Of course when I asked the girls, no one did it. They even went to extremes of saying, "I have nicer handwriting than that..." I don't really think it was Emily, she spells really good, so I would have guessed she would have spelled it correctly, and Lauren most likely would not have written herself a hate note.... leaving Lindsey as the person responsible. It bothers me too, because we don't even allow the word HATE in our house, yet here I find this silly note. I am sure it was out of anger, but that is my whole point. It seems that every day they are angry or are mean to each other. I don't really remember being that mean or unthoughtful to my brothers and sisters as I grew up, but maybe I am not remembering correctly. I remember not getting along all the time, but not like what my girls do.

We tried to go to Savers after school, but before I even got Amber out of the car, we were having issues with the girls NOT behaving and showing kindness to each other, so I said I am not going in. Emily wanted a new skirt, since the skirt she was wearing is too small, I told her she needed o retire it, but it is her FAVORITE skirt. Too bad for Emily..., I wasn't going to put up with them acting out in the store. I dislike it so much when we are in the comfort of our own home, that at the store it so drains me and makes me so tired!!

This has been going on for some time.... I am SO tired of it, and I have tried several things, having them do secret acts of service for one another, having dinner discussions, going around the room and telling something you like about someone else or something that is special... I was wondering when I would see any happiness. Don't get me wrong, they do play together sometimes, but it seems like the fighting definitely out numbers the quiet playful times they have together. Many times too, Emily will pick one of the twins to play with but then leave the other one out, and very obviously dislike the outsider. I was hoping maybe with the new house and more space the girls would get along better.

This morning, I get the girls up for school. I had gone to Savers last night to return some stuff and look for a skirt for Emily. I found one that she would like, along with a pair of pants, and 2 shirts and a pair of snow boots for her. I was showing her the things and asking if she approved. She liked them all. Then she was telling Lindsey (who was protesting that she didn't get anything) that she could wear one of her new skirts. Lindsey was pretty excited about that. Then Emily told Lauren she could wear her skirt from the day before that she is suppose to "retire" to them. The whole morning the girls were being so good and Emily was letting them wear her clothes (which she normally NEVER does). She even helped Lindsey find a shirt to go with the skirt she was wearing. I thought, what a sweet moment! I LOVED every minute of it. Emily then got them all little jackets (of hers) so they could all be alike in the clothes they were wearing.... all wearing skirts and shirts with tank tops or shirts under them, and then boots, and these light jackets Emily picked out.

I was smiling so much inside! I complimented the girls on how well they were doing and how pleased I was with them for getting along. When I dropped them off, they told each other, "Let's play at recess! Meet me at the tree...." I was wondering where MY girls had gone, and who were these girls that were acting like best friends? Again I was so touched that for whatever reason, prayers answered, the girls growing up, the new move coming up.... whatever it was, I was so pleased and relieved to know that maybe someday they will not constantly fight and seem to be enemies all the time.

Maybe tomorrow or even this evening won't go as smooth as this morning, but for the sweet moment of this morning, I can take it knowing that somewhere in there, there is love and kindness. What a glorious moment!!


The Johnson's said...

First of all, I don't know why my blog didn't show that you've updated THREE times since I've been here!! I haven't been purposefully neglecting your blog!

What a sweet moment!! I know how you feel with all the fighting between your girls...we are going through the same thing at our house! I absolutely LOVE it when they are getting along & playing nicely together!! I'm glad you had a good morning!!

I love your "lil nake" pictures with the pumpkin! I remember when you guys had TONS of snakes all over the place!! I guess at least there was only ONE!!

I can TOTALLY relate to your feelings about moving. We felt the EXACT same way when we moved here from Layton...our last Ward was the first one that felt like "home" to us. It was such a bitter-sweet time for us, too. It's really hard to leave your friends behind & start all over again. Just know that Heavenly Father has His eye on you & will help you make new friends & help you learn to love your new area, too! It will take time, but it'll be great!!! I'm really excited for you guys!! I know how it feels to go from TOO SMALL to finally having some ROOM!! You're gonna LOVE it!!

SORRY for the novel! I hope you're doing good!!

Judy said...

Hi there - I wish I had some good advice for you! Since I don't have any kids I'm a little clueless. BUT! I can tell you that when we were kids my sisters and I used to fight like your girls do (I even slapped one of my sisters once, which was a horrible thing to do) and now we absolutely, completely, totally adore each other and one of us would do anything in the world for the others. Keep emphasizing their love for each other - you're doing the right thing.

Julie said...

Well Karla just know that it does get better. I have 4 sisters and we fought like crazy. We even have scars from where we dug at each other and pulled hair, but now we get together all 5 of us plus my mom and we are the best of friends and now we laugh and laugh and laugh and can't stop. We spend weekends with each other and just talk, laugh, shop, cry, scrapbook, EAT of course and laugh again. I'm glad I have 4 sisters and a mom to do these things with. We need that once in awhile. So sweet moments are just around the corner and they get better and better. You are doing an awesome job and you are so patient. Great job and I'm glad you had a good day.

wendy said...

Karla, I love that things went so well this morning. I wonder what it was. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things to foster them being kind to each other. Good luck!

Jamie said...

Just keep doing your best to help them. Sometimes it just is personality vs. personality. My oldest 2 sisters fought so bad. I know we all did to some extent. My mom told my sisters you are going to cry one day when you have to say good bye to each other. THey told my mom she was crazy, that they'd be thrilled to see the other leave town. The day did come when they stood crying and hugging in the driveway as my sister prepared to move to Utah so as many other people have said today.... some things you can't control you can just try your best to manage. It is hard to see the anger and bad feelings. I'm glad you were given a gift this morning to tide you over and hopefully there will be more and more of those. Maybe the move will be a good experience in teaching them to depend on one another and bring out some lovin' good feelings for one another

I can't believe I just said that your move might be a good thing. what was I thinking..... ;)